How Are You, Really?

According to recent research, one out of every four individuals does not feel they have a confidant. Moreover, even when they do share their emotions, seven out of ten people have refrained from expressing their true feelings to coworkers, friends, or partners. A comprehensive study involving 2,000 Americans examined the impact of daily stressors on mental health and the barriers preventing individuals from seeking therapy or additional assistance.

The study results revealed that nine out of ten individuals admit to downplaying their emotions to avoid worrying or burdening their loved ones. Conducted by OnePoll on behalf of BetterHelp, the survey found that young people between the ages of 18 and 30 exhibit significant withdrawal. Across various aspects, they displayed more discomfort than those over 50 when discussing topics such as money, job stress, parents, or friends with a partner. Unfortunately, suppressing such a multitude of emotions often leads to their manifestation in physical ways.

This excerpt is from a NY Post article published in 2019, predating the pandemic. Considering the current circumstances, I can only imagine how the statistics may have changed. This raises a thought-provoking question:

"Why do we feel such shame and embarrassment about experiences that are universally shared? Despite being a common human condition, we hesitate to acknowledge and discuss it openly with others."

In our daily interactions, we often exchange greetings such as "How are you?" Yet, how many of us genuinely care to hear the answer? It often feels like a hollow, transactional exchange that lacks significant value. This is regrettable, considering the immense importance of truly listening to someone's response, especially in the context of mental health. In the past three years alone, I have tragically lost three young individuals to suicide, and I am aware of several more cases through friends who have experienced similar losses.

For those unaffected by mental health issues, finding a solution may appear simple. Just reach out and ask for help if you're feeling mentally unwell. However, as it turns out, it is not that easy. While I do not have a definitive answer to this challenge, I am determined to uncover the reasons behind it. For I know how easy it can be to find yourself affected by poor mental health. I have experienced severe breakdowns and depressions, which led to addictions and really poor life choices. Luckily I had the support of loved ones and strong enough will to climb out of it. But it painfully taught me just how fragile mental state of each of us is.

Since the pandemic our team at BeCurious Studio has been brainstorming variety of ways of not even necessarily solve this crisis at least begin to understand how to study and measure it. In our endless brainstorm sessions and conversations with experts and other folks we have learned what I expressed above in the article. Forget solving it or even talking about it, we don’t even have a healthy relationships with our own minds. A lot of folks don’t know how to feel properly….if that is even a thing??? Weird huh?

A lot of contributing factors attribute to the fact as to why we do not have a healthy relationship with ourselves. Tons of it has to do with our diet and fitness. While other contributing factors are our immediate relationships, surroundings, upbringing, trauma, not being able to properly heal from trauma. Stress at work, traumatic experience are all attributes to us shutting down.

I believe our first step should be is being honest with ourselves and learn how well do you know yourself. How do you feel? Do you suppress emotions? I know growing up as a millennial you are taught to be tough…that feeling somehow makes you less of a man or a person? That’s fucked up. We should all feel and embrace all spectrum of emotions that makes up a human psyche.

The point is, before we can begin solving and speaking to others about our emotional state we should learn how to listen to ourselves first. We need to be strong enough to face our best and worst of states and be ok with it. Not trying to mask it with substance, shame or isolation but just embrace it, ride it out and come out on top.

We are currently working on an entire fleet of tools that can hopefully help us redefine our own relationships with emotions. At which point hopefully we have enough data point to take the next baby step and learn how to speak about it with others.

I truly hope that in my lifetime I will see a fundamental shift, where we, as humans, embrace our emotional compositions and become brave enough to speak about it and share it with others.

Anyways, I am rambling. How are YOU, really?

p.s. If you would like to be included in this quest and become a contributing figure to our research, product development and help solve health crisis, please message us.