Who Has Access To You?

"Can I pick your brain?"

"Can we hop on a quick call?"

"Can we meet for coffee?"

How you say yes and how often, determines a lot of your growth.

I used to be a perpetual people-pleaser. I think it stemmed from some unresolved daddy issues. I could not, for the love of me, say no to the smallest of things. It was a delusion. Even knowing well that I couldn't possibly deliver, I had to say yes in that moment. It nearly ruined my life. Many of my early failures stemmed from this. It felt like the world would collapse if I said no to a person... the thought of that was paralyzing.

The thing is, the world won't end if you say no. In fact, it might even get better. This concept was a struggle for me to grasp, let alone understand and put into practice for my advantage. It seemed impossible.

So why should you say no more? No protects your time; it saves it. Saying yes uncontrollably robs you of it. It's that simple. Time is a finite resource, the one thing we can never win back.

In the age of social media, where everyone is fighting for attention, it's absolutely necessary to be aware of how you distribute your time and who gets it and who does not. Most people want to sell you something, engage you in one way or another. They do not care about your time, your needs, your wants. They want your attention long enough to get to your wallet. That's it.

Setting up boundaries protects both parties. When you say no, it opens up space for bigger yeses. I know it may sound counterintuitive. After all, very few of us want to let people down. But there is a balance at play. Everyone wants to hear yes from you, but not everyone deserves it, equally.

Try setting up boundaries in increments. For example, you can start by making a rule that you do not work on certain days or during certain hours. By default, when someone asks you for something during that time, the rule will dictate that you say NO. It will be easier since this is not a negative response coming from you because you personally do not want to engage with a particular individual. You are simply following the rules.

The next step is to create multi-leveled access to yourself. For example, for those who always seem to want to pick your brain, write a blog - a collection of your thoughts. This will allow them to mull over your thinking without taking up physical time. Invite them to follow you on Twitter, where you can passively converse with folks without disrupting your schedule. The next level could be going live or doing group talks, where once again, your time is spread across a group of people with similar interests in you rather than one person at a time. Another level may look like an actual project engagement where you get to work on things with the person. This bracket may carry a higher price tag. If they still need more from you, they can book you to talk to you and have your undivided attention.

I'm not implying that you should monetize your time with everyone. I'm just proposing a few options where you can still operate and be kind to your own time and space. Learning how to set boundaries and curate your inner and outer circles will allow you to operate with ease. It will enable you to be kind to yourself while being aware of what you are intentionally putting out into the universe.